I change jobs frequently. Not as frequently as I did in my 20’s but at 33, I’ve never worked anywhere longer than 3 years consecutively. I saw a quote once that said “Go where you’re appreciated.” I took it literally lol. As soon as a job gets to acting funny with me, I get to acting hilarious and get up out of there. After my latest spar with an employer, I can recall a couple remarks from my peers and such about why I didn’t just stay. In being transparent, I let them know after my experience with that place I have a current NDA for…I would never allow another place of employment to have me mentally and emotionally unwell. So I didn’t want to hear all of that “you should’ve just stuck it out.” Because- no…I shouldn’t have. I have much firmer boundaries with employers now for my sake and they are enforced out of necessity. While reflecting on these conversations with my peers, I started to wonder why they felt I made the wrong or rash decision.
In true Bee fashion, I started to peel back more layers and wanted to unpack where this “stick it out” ass mentality came from. Of course it came back to love and relationships. Y’all ever noticed how we idolize relationships of previous generations and condemn our generation for not getting or staying married? “My granny and papa were married for 63 years and my granny never had to work or pay bills…” That’s y’all favorite lol. Hate to break it to ya sweets but your granny didn’t work because she couldn’t. AND marriage was the only way to survive. I’m not saying that people didn’t get married for love but it is a fact that women couldn’t own anything, not even have their own bank account without their father or husband’s permission. Some of y’all grandfathers were terrible people! And if your granny was able and equipped- do you think she would’ve chose to stay somewhere she wasn’t happy? She wasn’t even taught to prioritize her happiness! I’m getting off track but I do believe that our expectation to endure mistreatment, unfairness, and injustice is a learned behavior and it started in our families of origin.
A part of breaking generational curses is being able to have boundaries and limits- declaring that you deserve more or better than what you’re currently experiencing. This principle applies to all areas of life. In your family, love life, platonic friendships, business partnerships etc. Prioritize your peace and happiness. Remember that though its no ones responsibility but your own, other people do have the ability to impact your peace and happiness and that’s why its important to have boundaries. Be a fierce advocate for yourself and don’t take no wooden nickels because they don’t spend. You gotta be from or raised by somebody in the Deep South to understand this adage. S/O to my Suga Puddin’, my paternal grandmother Willie Louise Armstrong for teaching me.
Even in knowing my worth, I’m not above correction. In fact, I appreciate feedback especially if its constructive and illuminates blindspots I might not have been aware of. Intent is what matters the most when providing criticism. What did you hope sharing this feedback would accomplish? Was it to the benefit of the person receiving it? Or does it satisfy an internal desire to critique or condemn the receiver? Is it your place to give the criticism? What relationship dynamics exist that made your opinion of the receiver appropriate or necessary? Is this criticism or critique rooted in objective reality or is this a projection of something you or someone close to you is struggling with? If you’re reading this and you’ve never considered these things when providing criticism or critique- I think you should start incorporating it into your internal dialogue before handing it out. Remember as children when we were told to think before we speak? This is what that looks like in adulthood.
Heal Heaux- The Lifestyle & Wellness Blog 